Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mar Mai 15, 2007 8:26 am Titlul subiectului: Bancuri in engleza
Great Female Comebacks
Man "Haven’t we met before?"
Woman "Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man "Haven’t I seen you someplace before?"
Woman "Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore."
Man "Is this seat empty?"
Woman "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man "Your place or mine?"
Woman "Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine."
Man "I’d like to call you. What’s your number?"
Woman "It’s in the phone book."
Man "But I don’t know your name."
Woman "That’s in the phone book too."
Man "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman "Unfertilized"
Man "Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman "Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!"
Man "I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman "You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man "I know how to please a woman."
Woman "Then please leave me alone."
Man "I can tell that you want me."
Woman "Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you... to leave."
Man "If I could see you naked, I’d die happy
Woman "Yeah, and if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing."
Man "I’d go through anything for you."
Woman "Good! Let’s start with your bank account."
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mar Mai 15, 2007 10:31 am Titlul subiectului:
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mar Mai 15, 2007 10:34 am Titlul subiectului:
Is that you ...
A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"
So Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw’em forever!"
The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he jerked off his clothes and started banging it on the dresser.
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mar Mai 15, 2007 10:36 am Titlul subiectului:
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mar Mai 15, 2007 2:10 pm Titlul subiectului:
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mar Mai 15, 2007 2:12 pm Titlul subiectului:
Daddy calls ...
- "Hello?"
- "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
- "No Daddy. SheŽs upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says,
- "But honey, you havenŽt got an Uncle Paul."
- "Oh yes I do, and heŽs upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
- "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that DaddyŽs car just pulled into the driveway."
- "Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
- "I did it Daddy."
- "And what happened honey?" he asked.
- "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isnŽt moving at all!"
- "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
- "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didnŽt know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think heŽs dead."
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Joi Mai 24, 2007 8:24 am Titlul subiectului:
There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.
He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''
The magician chased the bird away.
The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''
The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.
The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mar Iun 05, 2007 10:51 am Titlul subiectului:
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mie Iun 06, 2007 8:16 am Titlul subiectului:
Kysten klar
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Joi Iun 07, 2007 8:43 am Titlul subiectului:
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Dum Iul 15, 2007 11:12 pm Titlul subiectului:
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Vin Aug 03, 2007 8:45 pm Titlul subiectului:
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.
"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question
"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Sâm Aug 04, 2007 8:43 pm Titlul subiectului:
Three guys are sitting in a bar when the first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have an automatic garage door."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she has a cellular phone antenna on her car and she doesn't even have a cellular phone."
Data înscrierii: 25 Iun 2005 Mesaje: 907 Locație: peste tot pe unde vreau
Trimis: Mie Sep 05, 2007 8:55 am Titlul subiectului:
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
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